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Use the utility which is included with the driver or download and run the Vista 64bit Epson Copy Utility. We desperately wanted to stay together. But my wife too was afraid for our child. Had she not been pregnant, we would have both stayed. As it was, we finally decided that she should go back by her- self. This reasoning, though, did not give us great comfort, and it was with the deepest foreboding that we embraced each other for what we secretly feared might be the last time.

So my wife went back alone. I quickly found myself not only com- pletely cut off from the parental love that had enveloped me for my entire life, but also without a sou for food or rent. I longed for my wife and found myself in anguish over the estrangement from my parents though I hoped both would be temporary.

Money was a different story. Within a few days I had a job as a plongeur, dishwasher and assistant potato peeler, at the university restaurant. It was the first manual labor I had ever done. But before long I felt I had been at this kind of work forever. Perhaps my parents had thought that destitution, in addition to the separation from my wife, would eventually work the desired reform.

But when they heard that I was now supporting myself as well as persisting in my incomprehensible political agitation, they had had enough. Then they moved to break up our marriage. In her last letter, my wife wrote that she would always love me. But she was unable to stand up alone against both sets of parents. She was just twenty. We had been married two and a half years.

When I received her letter, I went into a state of mental shock. I locked myself up in my room. I had never believed that our darkest forebodings would really come true. That they and my parents-in- law would decide that my wife should remake her life with someone who better conformed to their ideas of propriety—no, I could not accept such an idea.

But they had done exactly that. I lived like an automaton in a dark fog, my soul hovering between going home and trying to remake my life, on the one hand, and continuing my resistance activities in Paris on the other.

After several months of violent inner turmoil, I decided that I had to stay. Going Home. They had also managed to obtain support from the United States. As the conflict became internationalized, the level of internal violence steadily heightened. But though to me it seemed that the time had come for this move, my friends in the Vietnamese Association counseled against it.

They argued that I had no experience with combat or any taste for it. Without question. On the other hand, I had already demonstrated a talent for organizing.

My place was clearly on the political front in France, helping to arouse overt public resistance to the war. After mulling over this candid advice, I reluctantly decided that my friends were probably right. I would continue with the work of political agitation in Paris, helping to plan conferences and demonstra- tions, writing open letters, distributing literature, propagandizing in every way I could for French withdrawal.

I cannot say that I altogether regretted the decision to remain in Paris. The city had been the scene of my rebirth. I recognized that my political activities over the last five years, together with my studies, had decisively changed the person I had been. I had arrived in France a superb product of the French colonial system and its mission civilisatrice. Paradoxically, life in the French capital had imbued me with an understanding and a love for my own country far deeper than I had previously known.

After five years I was at one with my Vietnamese identity, with the history, the na- tional culture, the Asian soul of my country. Toward the end of , I received an unexpected letter from my father. In it he told me that the businesses were not going well.

It had become a great financial effort for him to support my five brothers all of whom were now studying in European universities. He was unable to be as active as he once was, and he was deathly afraid that my brothers would be forced to terminate their studies.

He asked me— with dignity but also with a hint of desperation—to return home to help him. At this point my older brother, Quynh, was in his last year of medi- cal school at the University of Paris. Rich, the third, was a year away from his degree at the London School of Economics. Like my father, I simply could not stand the idea that they and the others might have to quit. Since I was the only one who had completed his studies, it was my duty to return.

I no more questioned that than my father had questioned his own responsibilities, or than my brothers would have questioned theirs if they had been in my position. This time there was no choice to be made. At the end of I embarked for Saigon. I had not been back more than several days before I received my draft orders from the Bao Dai government.

Faced with the need to contribute to the family and at the same time to avoid enlistment in the French puppet army, I took the only available path—an alternative service job in one of the distant provinces. I enrolled as a teacher available for work anywhere there was a need. It so happened that just then the government was opening a secondary school in the province of Chau Doc on the Cambodian frontier, about two hundred miles west of Saigon. The bad roads and worse communications meant that this job would be a real exile.

But with no other options available, off I went to become a teacher. Not just a teacher, as it turned out, but the senior teacher. Before long I was bearing up under a teaching load that included courses in French, mathematics, history, chemistry, physics, even English. Each week my salary went directly to my family, and whenever I had three days or more off, I would return to Saigon to help my father with the businesses.

Still, as I got to know my colleagues and people in the town where I was teaching, I became aware of how truly national the war against the French was. Almost everyone sympathized with the Vietminh and either had relatives who were fighting or were themselves supporting the struggle in some practical way. As I adjusted to the new job and new people, I began to fall into my old habits of agitating and organizing support, as well as lending a hand in sending badly needed medicines to the guerrillas.

Yet, I was keenly aware that my con- tribution was meager. I wanted to do something more. With this thought in mind, during the Easter holidays I made contact with a Maquis unit operating in the Cai Lay region southeast of the capital and arranged to join them on a temporary basis.

I was anxious to see how the guerrillas lived—to understand their motiva- tions. I wanted to know how they survived the hardships and how their aspirations enabled them to persevere against the French, year in and year out. For the first time I would see what combat was like. Despite a severe hemorrhoid problem complete with hemorrhaging and considerable pain, I managed to get to my contact point at the given time.

In a good deal of physical discomfort but with a light heart, I began to share the dangers of guerrilla life. During the week I was with the unit, its chief mission was an ambush they had planned for a French detachment that would be moving down the Chau Van Tiep Canal, a minor branch of the Mekong.

Just beyond a bend in the river, the guerrillas set obstacles made of logs and branches bound together and camouflaged with thick bunches of aquatic plants. A good distance before the bend they prepared other obstacles, and poised them on the banks ready to slide into the water behind the French riverboats, to prevent them from escaping. At the expected time, the French appeared—maybe a dozen boats altogether—carrying nearly four hundred soldiers.

As they reached the barrier, the guerrillas, hiding on either side of the river, opened fire. Caught in a deadly cross fire and unable to move, many of the French were simply mowed down. Even their machine guns and heavier firepower were ineffective against the guerrillas, who moved unseen behind the high reeds that choked the banks. One boat began to sink, then another. By the time the French planes arrived to drive the guerrillas off, a number of the riverboats lay half submerged in the water; others had disappeared below its surface.

I watched all this from relative safety, hunched in the reeds next to the Maquis chief. I realized, not without some surprise, that I could stomach the sight of death. I was full of admiration for the guerrillas, for the skill and bravery with which they carried out their attack, though they were facing greater numbers and superior weapons.

After we had retreated and regrouped, I found I wanted to stay with them, but I knew that in my condition not to mention my family re- sponsibilities it would be impossible. I understood instinctively that I would never make a soldier myself. Nevertheless, I was equally sure that I could play a role in the propaganda and psychological war which, as I was already beginning to understand, was as important as the actual fighting.

At the end of the week, I was still quite sick, and the guerrilla commander advised me to go back and get my condition taken care of before I made any decisions. But whatever I might have been thinking in the heat of the mo- ment, once I got back to Chau Doc it was clear that there was no way for me to join the resistance actively. Soon school got under way again, and I once more found myself heavily involved with my students and administrative duties, reconciled after a fashion to what I had to do.

Before long, another unforeseen event was to complicate my thoughts about the future still further. In July of I was serving as an examiner for the high school graduation exam in Can Tho, when one of my colleagues introduced me to an extremely attractive girl, a cousin of his who lived in the city.

Our friendship ripened quickly, and within six months we were married. A year later, in December of , our daughter Loan was bom. As early as November , France put out negotiating feelers, and contacts were initiated that would eventually result in the Geneva Conference. But the growing possibility of serious talks in no way diminished the level of warfare.

General Vo Nguyen Giap, had decided to wage a major battle there if the French commanders would let him. These events had direct personal consequences for me. As a new recruitment drive scoured the country for able bodies, the Bao Dai government decreed that alternative service was no longer acceptable.

Once more I received a draft notice. Surveying my options, I decided to join the national navy that was just then being established. Training as an officer in this new service would take me back to France for an extended period, and by the time I was finished, the war might well be over.

On May 7, the day before the conference opened. With the grim recognition that seven years of effort had brought them defeat on the battlefield and demoralization at home, the French were now ready for concessions. Still it took over two months—until July 20—to work out a compromise. In the end, Vietnam was granted independence, but in the process the country was temporarily partitioned at the seventeenth parallel.

Although disappointed by this outcome, I took great pride in our victory over France and in the fact that the struggle had given Vietnam a sense of unity and nationhood.

On the other hand, the Geneva agree- ment was like a warning shot, signaling that Vietnamese nationalism had now become hostage to the ideological and geopolitical conflicts of the great powers. Most ominously, the United States had refused to become a signatory to the Accords. Though some Vietnamese na- tionalists were livid. Americans, and that if the war were extended, American intervention was a distinct possibility.

Watching these developments from some distance, I completed my schooling, then immediately resigned from the navy. To me as to most other Vietnamese, Diem was an unknown quantity. I decided that the wisest course would be to wait in France until the situation in Saigon became clearer. But in the middle of my father once again wrote, asking me to return. The plantation, however, had been totally destroyed, and the printing house had fallen on especially hard times.

I was needed at home. Opposing Diem. There was nothing quiet about the political atmosphere in Saigon when I returned in July of Having been named prime minister by Bao Dai, Ngo Dinh Diem had now launched a campaign to get rid of his royal patron.

Leaflets were being distributed all over the city by an organization called the Revolutionary Committee, made up of a number of nationalist parties which were anxious to overthrow the hereditary monarchy and create a republic in South Vietnam. But if that much was clear, very little else was, and the foremost enigma was Diem himself. On the one hand, his ties with the Americans were a source of real concern. Their reaction to the Berlin blockade in , the Chinese civil war in which the United States attempted to contain the Chinese revolution, the three-year war in Korea only recently ended , and support for French Indochinese colonialism all indicated the seriousness with which the Americans viewed their post- war geopolitical role, and the strident anticommunist tone of their commitment.

Although I felt no animosity toward the United States on ideologi- cal grounds, I could see that American activities had already proved hostile to Vietnamese nationalism. The Americans had underwritten a good deal of the French military effort, and their attitude at Geneva had been frigid, threatening. But the moral and philosophical conflict between the United States and its communist adversaries was not then a major issue for me, nor, certainly, was the global clash between Russian and American national interests.

I thought of the United States only insofar as it related to Vietnam, and in this area the danger was substantial.

The American goal would clearly be to erect an un- bridgeable wall between North and South and to back the strongest anticommunist policies in the South. All this augured a permanent division of the country and a high level of internal political repression.

There was nothing secret about the American orientation or about what her policies intended. But as of yet no one had taken the personal measure of Ngo Dinh Diem.

Foreign attempts to manipulate Vietnam were hardly a novelty, but manipulation was always a two-way street. The classic example of this was Ho Chi Minh himself, who had used Chinese and Soviet support in pursuit of his own goals, but had done this without relinquishing his stature as a nationalist. Trying to gauge the temper of the man was not easy. Diem was from both a mandarin and a Catholic family—which suggested both a feudal and parochial cast of mind.

His personal connections with American public figures such as Francis Cardinal Spellman also indicated a rigid and narrow political outlook. Sketchy stories about his life in an American seminary hinted at a streak of asceticism and inner strength.

He was a mystery, and as he worked to establish his regime, I found myself watching carefully for signs of what I considered patriotism and in- dependence. Specifically, I was looking for a government that would strive to reconcile the former pro-French Vietnamese among whom were my own parents , the various groups of nationalists, and especially the former Vietminh fighters and sympathizers the overwhelming pre- ponderance of people in the countryside, if my experience in Chau Doc was any indicator.

In my opinion, domestic policies were needed that would move toward building a broad-based, inclusive government, along something like French democratic lines. Also, I was not willing to accept a permanent, hostile confrontation between North and South imposed arbitrarily, either by the major powers as had happened at Geneva or by a domestic politician subservient to them.

The fact was that at this point two Vietnams existed: one already socialist, and one still struggling to be bom. What relationship might evolve between them was open to question. There was little doubt that no reunification elections would be held in , though a refer- endum had been stipulated by the Geneva Accords. But if Diem were able enough, if he had sufficient stature, he might succeed in establish- ing a political identity for the South while also seeking to open various types of economic and political ties to the North.

It seemed to me that the sentiment for national unity was so powerful that some way would have to be found to accommodate it.

Strength and imagination would be required of the Southern leadership on this issue, together with the ability to mobilize wide popular support. Though I hoped that the South would undergo a democratic political development, it would be misleading to say that I was firmly opposed to what was happening in the North.

The wholehearted na- tionalism that had consumed me in France and that I shared with so many others was in essence far more a diffuse patriotism than a political philosophy. My personal struggle had been one to realize my Vietnamese identity against the cultural and psychological backdrop of French colonialism. Compared to this, adopting a systematic poli- tical philosophy was for me an important but secondary endeavor.

My years of struggling to understand the character of Ho Chi Minh had convinced me that at heart his motivations were similar, that the Leninism he espoused was an accretion that served the cause of Viet- namese nationalism.

Whatever my personal inclinations, I would have been willing to accept almost any regime that could achieve real independence and that had the welfare of the people at heart. Reports of what was happening in the North were also very hard to come by.

A mass of refugees had fled from above the 17th Parallel after the Accords. Nine hundred thousand Northerners, many of them Catholics, came South. About a hundred thousand Southerners moved to the North. Under these circumstances, my attention was absorbed by the political de- velopments going on under my nose in Saigon, rather than by suspicions about motives and conduct in Hanoi. Sure enough, very little time passed before old classmates began getting in touch.

What are you up to these days? No particular plans yet. What about you? Brother Tran [Tran Te Duong, another fellow alumnus from the institute] is director of foreign trade. Some others are working with me too. Give me a call, and we can talk about it. Another Paris graduate I ran into shortly afterward had gotten himself onto the wrong side of the administration.

Au Truong Thanh, who was teaching law now at Saigon University, had participated in the Movement in Defense of Peace, formed the previous year to press for compliance with the Geneva-mandated unification elections. Colonel Edward Lansdale. I had known some of these men in Paris, and I was again beginning to talk to them.

Though Diem had established his own patriotism in years past, he had never been actively engaged in the French war and had spent the last four years of it outside Vietnam. As a result, he viewed the resistance veterans as rivals for power who had to be crushed.

Labeling them all com- munist or procommunist, he was using the secret police and the blue- shirted Republican Youth to hunt down these people—people who were considered by almost everyone else as freedom fighters. It was a disastrous tactic. Fired by the compulsion to eliminate any potential opposition. Diem was irrevocably alienating himself from the emotional nationalism that had been the most potent force in Vietnam for a decade.

Instead of unfurling the banner of patriotism and rallying the country behind it, he had chosen to rely on his ability to cow or destroy everyone who might get in his way. In exercising power, he had resurrected the old feudal methods of closed govern- ment, complemented now by the advice and training provided by his American supporters.

It was quickly becoming evident to me that Diem. In this endeavor the Americans would necessarily have to be- come full partners. The United States was thus blithely assuming for itself the mantle of the newly departed French colonialists—in a coun- try whose simmering xenophobia had just exploded in an eight-year- long revolution.

At least so it seemed to me. I was just then reaching my own de- cision not to cooperate with my friend Hai and the others who had joined the regime. The only question now was what form my op- position would take.